All over again? as if!, its finished.

Sigh as people tend to keep stepping in, i tend to keep starting All Over Again.
but you know what. its not going to happen over again, taking advice from 2 awesome people
i guess everything they have said to me, has been taken ino place, and now

its start to take some action. further this on? no more, i shall end this. i did say
you we're worth fighting for, but i guess, its time to stop, i will only cause myself more heartache
if i continue, and push away everyone who is trying to escalate all this, and break free from
this chains of depression. well, i already am, too bad im left with my right hand,
left with the right hand, to do the right decision.

i shall simply block off all meaningless things to me, and only focus on what i need
to focus, and do my best with emilynn, i made one huge, major mistake last year, and its tending
to repeat itself at the same time of the year, and with someone i still care for.
i will make things my way, and i will make sure i wont screw any thing else up.

All over again? as if, its finished because i said so!, try continue? you get a punch on the face.
Simple as that miladies and fella's .

--Dopey.Candy--

party through the "day n' night" / mind your own fucken business

wooooo partying through the day and night,my god that was so fun.
it was a get together for my friends and i, seeing as my friend is going
overseas. so chyaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. funfun night, drinking, dancing, bumming around and feeling free.

so the party started at 1, bought so many drinks, too bad we didn't finish them off
and I'm amazed, not that much people didn't wanna do argeeleh that night
oh wells, i guess they weren't in the stage of just smoking argeeleh

but i feel bad for bryan, when he tried to get everyone to listen to him, they we're
all in their own little world, wanting to do what they wanted to do. even though it is his house.
oh wells, shit happens

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

anywhoooooooooo
i ain't naming it but her name starts with a "J". She just had to make things even WORSE FOR ME!
for the fourth time, i was in the bridge of triumph, of getting her out of my head.
too bad someone just had to make things worse, and got me thinking
ALL OVER AGAIN, fucken hell.

oh wells, if she wants to try piss Emilynn and i off, then fucken go ahead, like i care
about you now. go run along now, and do whatever the hell you want, i hope you get
what's coming towards you, i hope its even worse than what i'm in now, and i dont care
if you don't care about me, or what we had,  
I DIDNT ASK FOR YOU TO CARE FOR ME ANYWAYS
so do what ever the hell you want!, just don't involve Emilynn and I in it, cause if you do

that's when it gets personal, that's when i will destroy your life, and no one gets away
with tryna piss me emilynn and i off, or try to diss me in ANY SORT'VE WAY 
GOT-THAT!
If you don't, then may god have mercy on your soul, well actually not even, just hope you find
your own path of despair afterwards.

--Dopey.Candy--

Staying Home, James Is Over :)

So i decided to stay home today, cause i was not bothered going to school
and i've already planned my day so CHYAH! :)
gosh loving my sleeps these days, nice and relaxing, unlike before, i never slept :L
oh wells now i'ved moved on, completely, i can pretty much just look forward to life.

and soooo james came over, and his still here, we just bumming around,
his playing ps3 right now in the nice air conditioned section of the house, while im in the garage, just using
a damn fan! *smirk* blogging :). just gotta love blogging, makes you feel like someone
wants to listen to you. like you don't need to hear what they need to say, they're just there to listen to you.
and its something i can use to say on how i'm feeling, and stuffies,

so right now, its a thursday, and i have late night later on with emilynn. gonna be funfun i guess.
and we gonna be watching new moon! :), i hear its good, i hear its shit, too bad i want to see for
myself how good it is. so time for me to go off this
and probably play some dota :D and probably reminisce but oh wells, its what i do all the time
all good and bad memories :)


--Dopey.Candy--

Time to take a bow, walk away and lose everything.

what does this mean now?, im walking away, from EVERYTHING.
if she's moved on now, but still keep her feelings for me, then why would i even bother
i try and try, and repeat the steps again, but nothing seems to work

i haven't been sleeping cause of this, but now, it is time for me to give up, and lose, because
i know it in my heart, that nothing can fix this, it was her mistake at first
but i took the wrong turn, and made things completely worse, but i guess, i am young, and
its only a mistake, but a mistake i will not want to relive again, and have de ja vu on.

not worth it right now. not worth anything. i'm only hurting myself right now with this, i
have put it on myself, and now, i must do something i never do, which is give up
I FUCKING GIVE UP NOW!

you happy now, i've done something, you have made me done with your lack of caring now.
so i wont bother you now, i wont try to curve your life, i wont try be the redemption i was to you,
i wont try to change you in any way, because i know if i continue
on with this, it will only bring ourselves heart ache, and a lot more. but i will reminisce on all of this.

i know we are still good friends, and that we will support each other through anything. but i guess
its time to just leave it as that, i guess this is how it's meant to be, so i'll stop caring now.


--Dopey.Candy--

5 Questions...

releasing all my emotions by this.. i can't have every single one of them left in me. i cannot allow
myself to go insane about this, i must not hurt anyone with my emotions of this. i must do my best
to stay away from my friends, i must avoid them, i just cannot have them near me, i don't want them
hearing all this, cause they are just gonna be like

"DA FUCK"?, why are you telling me all this stuff, it really just puts people off a good mood.
and better yet, avoid them, from asking me too many questions, I HATE QUESTIONS RIGHT NOW!
i already have too many questions to ask and answer myself! i've already got too many problems with me!
i don't want them to fucking build up and most of all, i don't wanna push any of my friends away.

but in special cases such as this one, i must avoid, i must do what i can by myself, i have to make my
own choice, in my own way, using my own knowledge. i know i am going to do something stupid, but
i will learn, i will learn from my mistake, i just hope this mistake doesn't risk my chances.

so.. as i was talking to Nikki about all this, i stumbled across  5 questions.. 5 questions that are
very relevant to my situation, and i must answer by myself, myself only.
they are

1. Who makes me feel more like its love?
2. Who can't i imagine my life without?
3. What are the consequences and think about them both, whether I take the chance or not?
4. Will i regret it?
5. Will they both be able to be in my life, after this decision?

these questions will continue to ring in my head, until i have answered them all. i hope when all is
said and done, i have the the right decision, and as my friends say
"If Its Not Fine Yet, It Is Not The End"
even though I'm sick of that line, seeing as it was said too many times to me.


--Dopey.Candy--

Can't stop thinking of you..

I.. i just can't stop thinking of you, it's like someone has shot a bullet through the back of my head, and that
it will remain in me forever, and i just yet to wonder..
nothing feels right, each time I'm doing something, every time i go out with a group of friends, there
is always something there i see, that reminds me of us.. of you.

but all this, i was stupid about it, i was too stupid not to realize the signs, the avoiding, not talking to me, and
more so. i should have picked it all up!, and now, the result is this. im ..
JUST SO STUPID

i'm not a guy who likes to show his emotions, i'm not a guy who would show the TRUE self to anyone.
i can pretty much be a mystery, with all these mood swings, all these constant changes. what am i trying to do.
but what i can't change is the fact that i miss you.

I can honestly say you've been on my mind
Since I woke up today..... up today
I look at your photograph all the time

I woke up this morning and played are song
And throwing my tears, I sang along
I picked up the phone and then put it down 

i've made everything else worse, but i'm not going to say how. i would do anything, to
go back to the night we talked, i would do everything in the world, to fix it, seeing you, seeing us
like this, our feeling is unbearable.. just wish time stopped, because that's what would always happen when
your with me, and its only us two.

i guess, what i'm trying to say after all, all these posts, only three words are obvious..
its that
I Miss You...
i just cannot move on, signs keep popping up, that remind me of how we were, how you were.
so im picking up this sign, and not going anywhere. cause i know, there's something special
and unique on our way for us, i don't know what it is, but i know that it will bring us great joy, and happiness..
i hope.



--Dopey.Candy--

Missing her.. do i really wanna move on just yet..

its been a couple of days, been feeling like shit, not a really good thing, been missing her completely. nothing feels the same, school, outings, life, whats happening to me!>< I've never felt like this ever before =[, and i don't think ill be feeling like this for a girl ever again, only her.. i need.. i need someone to help me with this.. i cannot do it alone, i know i can't, my mind! my heart! is going all over the place! my emotions, are unbearable!, i feel like going insane! ARGHH > <
I MISS HER! > <



but recently, I've been seeing someone. she's loads fun, she's awesome, and a lot more to her than you think.
she's actually more than you'll expect her to be. but chyeah, at the moment, my mind and my heart, is just overloading with what's happening, what I'm thinking about right now.
THINTKHINKTHINKTHINKTHINK


its all i can bloody do!, overload my damn mind and heart with it. thinking negative, thinking positive, what else man><. being in this situation is such a killer.. it bloody EATS.YOU.UP little by little every single day. and by the time its finished, you wouldn't know what to do no more, won't even know what "1+1" is, seeing as you've been thinking about this =[. 


i need a sign!, sign sign sign sign sign!, ones that will help me through with this.... i just hope god is up there.. hope he will help me through with this. cause i seriously need help, before i go crazy on this! but for now, i don't really know what i want in life no more but what i do know is, i miss her, and that i don't want to move on yet. 



--dopey.candy--

A need in change - Excitement

a need in change on most things, what does this mean? it means i need something to excite me!
i want so many things to change, but at the moment, the thing that i want to change first, is how
everything is repeated every single day. i need something new every day! or at least once a week.

wouldn't everyone want that. too bad, is that i want it now. i sound very demanding right now,
maybe its cause i need something, something to show on who i am, something besides music. something
besides that people wouldn't expect me to do, but i can do it.

oh wells i guess, i just hope my excitement will hit me soon, but i have been going out more lately, kinda
working, but its pretty much reliving last year, not with the same people, but with new friends.

--dopey.candy-- 

no fun&games, no excitements&suprises, no laughter&jokes.

whats wrong with me these days! i can't seem to have anything i use to have before, i can't seem to
do anything right these days!. all i seem to be doing is acting everything.. and it is not pleasant.. it is not fun ..
it sucks like shit.

acting, my god, where do i begin. not being true to myself? how shit can that be, it seems like
I'm living another person's life and i ain't the type to be living another persons life. i mean how low can that get.
but too bad, its the only way to cover up everything else. i mean, i act all surprised to everyone, show then how " excited " i am for things I'm not even surprised about.  its like
DA FUCK 

but oh wells i guess, as long as i make other people laugh with my stupid lame ass jokes, my dopiness, my stupidity, I'm fine with everything else. well not really but chyeah, i am pio, i only care if other people are happy, not myself, but i guess that's how i am, that's how my personality is, that's how i was born, that's how my parents raised me, that's how i am gonna be forever. a caring fuck who doesn't really care about his happiness, just the people he cares about and who is simply around him... well depends who it is. 

I'm doing more bad stuff than ever before, what do i do!, how do i stop myself from doing all this!
why am i even doing it, am i only doing it to remove every single stress, every single problem i have
in my life at the moment, i know i sound like some emotional fuck but chyeah
im just saying what i feel right now, and what i want =[.

all i simply want is, everything to be back the way it was, when everything was so perfect, like
when i arrived in my new school, like that type of perfect!, too bad i still wanna be an outcast.
someone that no one knows, someone where no one will feel sympathy or empathy when something
happens towards me, so that i know i don't need to care for someone, when they are feeling sorry for me
welps im offs

--dopey.candy--

Whats best.. Us being Together or Your Happiness..

well I was talking to my ex last night, well "just became" ex but chyeah
having a really serious conversation. seeing as her life is filled with stress at the moment.
too many thing's in her mind but chyeah.

so as we talked, she then asked me
"hey pio, tell me, what do you care about more
Us being together, Or my happiness.."

i would say that is the most toughest question i've ever been given. its a question
that takes days to think about. too bad she needed the answer by then.
as we continued talking, she told me more stuff, and where all the stress is coming from.
i understood completely but i still couldn't answer the question.

i want to be with her, but at the same i want what's best for her, i want her to be happy.
as happy as she was before we got together, and the start of being together.
i know we've only been together for only quite some time now, but it feels like i've known her
for over a year now. it feels like we know each other from the back of our heads.

as we continued to talk, we both came to a conclusion. she decided that she only wanted to be friends, and to be single for now, seeing as she couldn't take the stress. the stress of thinking
about where everything it is coming from. i supported her decision and decided to go with
what is not best for me, but on what's best for her cause its what she wants, and im going with it. but i know one day, we will get back together, as we both agreed. but it wont be till later.

i know i will be heartbroken for now, i know i will be feeling sad, everything will go insane
for now, but im sure i can control it. i will do my best. besides, i am only pio.

listening to this song "Ne-Yo - Never Knew I Needed"
just thinking about the first 5 lines

for the way you changed my plans
for being the perfect distraction
for the way you took the idea that i have
of everything that i wanted to have
and made me see there was something missing

but i am glad we we're together tram, seeing as we've only been together for 1 month and 16 days, i've learned so much from that, and it felt like we've been together for like a year.
and dont worry, ill have your back, and you'll have mine.

and as you put my red/black jacket, hope it reminds you of us at disco night.
as we stay as friends, i just hope the items i have given you, remind you of me on our time together.

When you are ready, i will be here, release all your stress out, solve them, finish them, do what you need to do, cause ill always have all the time in the world for you.

x3 thaaankyou.for.everything.
--Dopey-Candy--

For Old Times.Sake.

well old times sake aye
cameee across my favorite song, and it is my ex and I's song
listening to it brings back good old memories, and also bad memories
always told ourselves that we would get pass every single obstacle that
came towards, my god those we're missions, tough times, but also fun times at the same timee

Oh wells, i guess this song just brings back everything we were, and everything we had
and chyeah i know, im the one that fucked it all up, but i guess i was in THAT stage at the time
a stage i never wanna be in again but i guess i've changed.. in a good way :D, and yes
as we said to each other, we will be back together again, but i guess it wont be till later
but you never know, that might happen, that might not, cause i love the girl i am with now
and chyeah

I guess For Old Times Sake, this is a blog dedicated to our old times together
aye dont cha think little jess :) welps

byebyeee :)
post to ya later

TO JAMES

DONT EVEN DARE OR YOU KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN

GEEGEE cunt,

byebye

PARTY ON!

William and Vinh's party!, simply awesome drinkup, did
so many crazy things, and so many funny things happend. One of the best highlights
was when David was off his nuts man!, my god that kid said
alot of funny things you wouldn't imagine him saying
Ahahhahahhaalol. but there was one time when he was playing
with a cat, and i think he tried to rape it or something

Ahahhahalols. yes, RAPE, LOL strange i know, but just saying the truth
on what happend, last night. He was a very aggressive drunk, but in a way on how he did
things were even funnier.

Any whooo, many more things happend that were funny, and so many of us
just got trashed.

At the moment, im still at my friends house, yes most of us slept over, and a few people are sleeping on the floor, 4 people in one bed, 2 in the other room, and 1 sleeping downstairs on the couch. I'm wide awake, since i slept for only an hour. I guess its all i need
Welps

ttyl readers!

Cause your worth fighting for

Listening to the song Worth Fighting For. It really makes me think and wonder
of what i should really do in the future, and what my future is going to be like.

Didn't really do much after an 18 month relationship, took me around thirteen months
to regain my strength. I have changed, as people say, but they say that I have changed in
a very good way, I don't know what or who has changed me but I know my one and only
girlfriend has changed me a lot in every way, and as i start to change to a better person
I start to think positive, open new gateways to other possibilities in which we do things.
I know i maybe dopey or stupid in many ways, and i tend to fail, but failure is the Road To Success

We might have been together for only a short period of time, but I have learned so much
from it.
Taking a lines from the song
"Cause cause I rather lose my life then lose your love
I rather go to war then give you up
Your worth fighting for your worth fighting for
And I really don't know the worse I am I rather take my chances swing
Your worth fighting"

Tram love, you truly are Worth fighting for

I ain't the brightest person you will find in the world, but I am one of the happiest person
that will care for you in every single way
I know that we may not be together forever, as bumps and obstacles occur but I know a
part of you will always remain in me

Byee readers