no fun&games, no excitements&suprises, no laughter&jokes.

whats wrong with me these days! i can't seem to have anything i use to have before, i can't seem to
do anything right these days!. all i seem to be doing is acting everything.. and it is not pleasant.. it is not fun ..
it sucks like shit.

acting, my god, where do i begin. not being true to myself? how shit can that be, it seems like
I'm living another person's life and i ain't the type to be living another persons life. i mean how low can that get.
but too bad, its the only way to cover up everything else. i mean, i act all surprised to everyone, show then how " excited " i am for things I'm not even surprised about.  its like
DA FUCK 

but oh wells i guess, as long as i make other people laugh with my stupid lame ass jokes, my dopiness, my stupidity, I'm fine with everything else. well not really but chyeah, i am pio, i only care if other people are happy, not myself, but i guess that's how i am, that's how my personality is, that's how i was born, that's how my parents raised me, that's how i am gonna be forever. a caring fuck who doesn't really care about his happiness, just the people he cares about and who is simply around him... well depends who it is. 

I'm doing more bad stuff than ever before, what do i do!, how do i stop myself from doing all this!
why am i even doing it, am i only doing it to remove every single stress, every single problem i have
in my life at the moment, i know i sound like some emotional fuck but chyeah
im just saying what i feel right now, and what i want =[.

all i simply want is, everything to be back the way it was, when everything was so perfect, like
when i arrived in my new school, like that type of perfect!, too bad i still wanna be an outcast.
someone that no one knows, someone where no one will feel sympathy or empathy when something
happens towards me, so that i know i don't need to care for someone, when they are feeling sorry for me
welps im offs

--dopey.candy--